Thursday, January 12, 2006

oh, you silly bears

i thought i was the only person in the world that despised them, but i guess not. according to a google search for "hate charmin bears" i am not alone.

"arghh I hate those Charmin bears. I feel like punching the screen whenever the commercial comes on. I think this is ruining all cartoon bears for me."

"Remember the horrifying Charmin cartoon bears? They're baaack! Only this time, it's an add for wipes. And to demonstrate that a wipe will do a better job than dry toilet paper to clean your poopy butt, there's a brief live-action segment in which toothpaste is wiped on the back of somebody's hand, then wiped with toilet paper, and the process is repeated with the wipe. The improved efficacy of a wipe rather than dry toilet paper in cleaning poopy butts is not a concept that is particularly difficult – I really don't need an illustration. And if you must illustrate, could you please, please not use toothpaste to stand in for the poop? I do not want those two items even remotely connected in my mind."

"I also dislike the self-satisfied look the Charmin bears get when they evacuate their bowels. YUCK!"

so what is it that makes me personally want to get off my ass and throw my tv from the balcony every time i see them? why does that commercial makes me so unbelievably uncomfortable? well, in my quest for knowledge, luckily i was able to find some information about the marketing genius(es) behind those happy, pooping bears.

"We’ve taken the functional attributes of softness and strength Charmin has had over many years, and we’ve personalised them into a character, into the Charmin bear. This has given the brand personality and given us a campaign that’s being used around the world now. It’s been really effective in building our shipments and share and, by the way, Charmin’s having a record year in volume, share and profits."

what? are you serious? people are buying into this? i won't even look at charmin when buying toilet paper because i'm so angry about those bears. but evidently some people are totally down with the bears of brown.

"The good news is the Charmin Mobile Unit will be in Los Angeles this weekend, at the beach party in Hermosa Beach. You may want to consider extending this meeting so we can enjoy that. But we’re not stopping there. We have a mobile unit and we’ve also created music and we’ve created a dance. When that unit is in a location, people wait in line to get into the bathroom, and they can wait in line for up to 40 minutes. Obviously they want to do something when they’re waiting in line, and so why not dance because that’s what they feel like doing. We’ve created a second song and a special dance and today we have here live, in this hotel, the Charmin bear to premiere the song and the dance."

ok, so they've not only created this demonized bear, but now he has his two songs and a signature dance? seriously, what is wrong with the consumers? why would anyone wait in line 40 minutes to use the charmin mobile restroom? even worse, i found a book that has been produced called the adventures of charmin the bear. i guess he must have written it while he was spending all of that time behind the tree, pooping the day away.

but in all fairness, i haven't fully decided if the charmin bear is worse for the well-being of our children than this guy.

both make me equally angry. however if i happen to catch a glimpse of "baby bob" on tv i feel as though my brain cells are being sucked from my head into the tv. never, ever to be used again. never ever. is it supposed to make me laugh? really, it just makes me sad that somewhere, someone is laughing and talking about how cute that stupid baby is. i saw look who's talking. i guess it was funny back in the 80s, when i was under the age of 10.

burn in hell baby bob and screw you charmin the bear. cha cha cha.

here's a link to the interview with those mad scientists involved in mr. bear, and as a special bonus there are even some pictures of the mascot dancing with the edgy advertising folks:

some sort of report

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