Thursday, January 19, 2006

how not to write a resume

i have circulated this before, but it's well worth the read. this is my favorite resume that i have ever received. to protect the applicant's anonymity i have removed their name. i'm not positive, but i imagine it was set in comic sans. i have opted not to correct the spelling, grammar or reckless non-capitalization.

Objective:

To work as an Artist in the Graphic Arts Industry or in advertising but mostly I want to work diligently in any job that I can find an be of service to the company. but I would be comfortable in getting a job right now that I am capable of and I have a wide range of abilities.

Experience:

1993-1990 Dominick's Finer Foods Oak Park, Ill. Cashier
Worked my way up from utility bagger despite discriminating circumstances.some time ago. Dominick's has not been doing to well in sales, and service. so it has consider closing. possiblely in November.

1990 1993 Builders Square, Home Improvement center. Melrose Park, Ill. Sales Associate Lawn & Garden, and Plumbing Departments.
When I was there sales went up at least 10 to 25%, thus they promoted me to Plumbing. the corporation decided to move to a larger location. in the new location, the store had little customer service and went out of business.I attribute this to the manager of the store getting rid of at least 25 service employees in order to afford to go to that new location, he was later fired . The manager did not know what people really wanted.

1985-1990 D&H Construction Oak Park Ill. Carpenter
Built a church in a day, a two-story structure. I learned from experience how to do almost everything in building and remodeling homes. We were a close team insured for over a million dollars. Working on homes with museum art in them.

1980-1984 Flowers by Fries'e Retail flower shop
doing wedding and large party business as well as a line of art that we shiped across the country and doing flower shows in tiawan once a year. I was in charge of the line of earthlings that we shipped and designed as well as doing the art for large parties like the benefit at the Cerebral Palsy ball, and the grand opening of the brookfield Zoos Torpic World,

Education:

2001-1998 University of Illinois Chicago, Illinois Art Education
financial Aid dropped me because of their mistakes and incompitance, so I am unable to finish my degree.

1995-1997 Triton College River Grove, Illinois
Graphic Arts Degree certificate in Typesetting minored in Advertising Art.

1993-1995 Moody Bible Institute Chicago, Illinois
Missions and Bible Studies.

1977-1980 Emmaus Bible College Debuque, Iowa
Missions and Bible Studies.

1970-1972 Morton College Cicero, Illinois Fine Arts Degree, Painting, minored in Photography

Interests: Sports and outdoor activities, like karate and volleyball. I work with International students that are in the United States.

1 comment:

concerned citizen said...

this is Hilarious.